Tuesday, January 13, 2015
We sat there, the two of us, with the therapist. Traffic had kept me late; I walked in 20 minutes into the session. We got to it immediately. I told her to her face from the bottom of my soul my love for her. And she told me she loved two men. The therapist questioned, so--bob--how do you feel about an open marriage? Ah!! Time's up; sessions over. I will not share her heart. Perhaps everything else is negotiable, but not that. And with that realization, I came into my own. Immediately, totally, painlessly. I have great worth--greater than anyone else's. Certainly his. And she's not willing to love me exclusively. The drive back, this evening, I was overwhelmed with a total absence of hurt (that's over with) or disorientation. I have value. I have worth. And I am definitely worth the effort. And she's not willing to pay the price.
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Living apart from the wife now for almost a year and a half. Seeing a counselor with the wife and the younger adult daughter about how this all affects us. Estranged from the older daughter due to her behavior. Just now no longer reeling from the sudden passing of my sister. All those disparate periods of my life colliding and jostling and rubbing up against one another, sliding over one another as they juxtapose depending on the company I'm in or where I am. And suddenly they all consolidate, become one. I'm me. Thank God.